Heey there, 

A topic that has been nagging at my core for the past few weeks or even years but I subconsciously push it deeper into the depths of my soul, fearing that if I open this box, I might hate what I see. Well, adulthood - when do we even begin our adulthood? The age that we started going to high school? The age that we started going to classes and busting our ass to get a degree? The age that we started working with more adults and tries to climb the corporate ladder? I am not sure when adulthood starts but being an adult sucks. 

There are tons of pros of course being an adult. You get to do things that you are not able to do when you were a kid but also you get judged as an adult now given that you are doing things that a kid shouldn't do. You get to spend adult money by buying useless things that sort of fill out some black hole and knowing that the new, shiny toy is just gonna sit there, collecting dust just because your passion for it dies off after a couple of days. You then started buying more drinks or substance to bring you a little more joy and fun, just so you could fill how it feels to be happy once again. You get to hang out with strangers or even make new friends but somehow there is a visible wall always up cause everyone tries to fit into society or faced the consequences. Work piled up and somehow you feel like you are going to work just because that is adulthood. 

I have no idea where or when adulthood hits me but I do know there are tons of cons too that comes along with adulthood. I have to figured out my own finances, my so called lifestyle or else I would start putting on weight or loses friends. I have to start putting money away to pay insurance so that when I die, someone else gets some help. I have to start investing more into the choices that I made. What's that? I used plastic bag to buy chicken? Oh yeah - not being vegetarian and not being environmentalist here. Oh! I support the wrong politician? Well - I guess I don't think about the future of the upcoming generation then. Every single decision - there's gonna be someone who is gonna stand by and judge. Even if they don't judge, there is always something that crossed their mind. 

Were we all like this as a child? Were we judgmental? Maybe we were but it felt so little back then cause all we could think about is what's next? 

Today - I feel my whole existence of being an adult is missing. It's like I'm standing here being restless as the world goes by, everyone being the best that they can become. Some days I wish that I could just drop all of my responsibilities and just fuck it. Do whatever the fuck I want. Be in bed as long as I want without having to attend to anyone. Say whatever shit that I want and still able to walk away free. Well, of course, I don't mean it in a bad way where I killed someone or bullied someone feelings. I just want a day where I don't have to care about other people feelings. I want a day where I can be whoever I want to be - not an adult nor a child. Just me. 

I doubt that could happen since adulthood is definitely here to stay. I just got to man the fuck up and get my shit together I supposed. 

signing off. 

a fucked up adult