Hello there, 

Yesterday, during my session with my therapist, I actually talked about the issues that has been bothering me. Issues that has made me who I am today. It came so naturally that we both were shocked (And kinda glad) that these issues came up. I opened up a little more to her I guess. 

After everything, before the 10 minutes was up, she paused and asked me,

Eunice, do you feel that after all that you have been through, do you have trouble looking for a romantic partner? 

I responded quite fast - I am not looking for a romantic partner at the moment. 

She said,

Do you see yourself with kids? 

I replied, I don't know. I don't think so. Somehow, when I responded, I choked a little. 

Of course, she caught it and said, 

I can see that you are having a hard time responding. I think you do want to have a family but you are afraid of how things would turn out.

I know those words. It has been said before by people who knew what happen and also it's not the first time I question my decisions making in finding for a romantic partner. It's one of those reasons why I am talking to a therapist anyway I guess (Although that was not part of my main goals). 

Tonight, while reading Manga titled Freaking Romance, I teared up. 

"Broken kids gravitate to one another. Sadly.. not all broken kids turn out fine. The same broken piece you attract, might be the one who cuts your wounds deeper." 

And it makes me wonder, what if.. just what if.. I am the broken piece that cuts..

Ah well - night thoughts. 

Goodnight. 

xoxo,

eunicegm

 Hello there, 

Given that I almost broke my leg (Click to read about it) I have to visit the hospital three times a week for physiotherapy. The fun part about it is that, it would be the most exciting thing that happen in that day while that is also the sad part about it. 

The purpose of today's post is regarding a few encounter that I had today, all about happy vibes people:

 

Starbucks

I was trying to get a cup of coffee and some breakfast when a lady came out behind me. Somehow the app was not allowing me to buy things so I was struggling. 

Me: Heey, please go ahead 

She: Oh, no it's okay. 

Me: My starbucks app is not reloading. 

She: Oh! I got to reload too!

We both stand outside the booth, awkwardly trying to load our Starbucks App. 

She was nice. I like her vibes. It was good to talk to a total stranger. 

Physiotherapist 

I have different encounters with different people since I don't really mind who is handling my case. My aim is to improve and heal on this journey so I don't really mind whoever who is available. Today, it was a new lady. 

I was late so I walked a little too fast on the crutches. 

She: Whoah whoah .. slow down.. hahaha.. 

Me: Oh.. err *awkward* sureeee.. *tries to slow down a little*

She: Are you in a rush? 

Me: Ahh? Noo laa. I was late so somehow adrenaline kicked in. Hahaha! 

She: Hahahaha... 

An old couple walked in and yes i ear dropped cause they were just few feet away from me and I got nothing else to do except to count till 10 for 20 times. The old uncle hurt his upper muscles as he was trying to clear off some trees. His wife was on the phone and they decided to do some exercise together. 

Him: Awak buat laa. 

Her: Eh eh.. awak la yang kena buat... 

It was cute. :) 

A young family

I was done with the session and while waiting for my grab to arrive, I watched people (Yes - I'm weird like that) 

A young couple came by and they were very slow. As in slow in like humans sloth. The reason why? They have a cute small human being with them! No wonder they were so gentle and slow. They were trying to put the baby into a stroller and the dad - oh bless his soul. He was soooo gentle with the baby. It's like he dare not to put too much pressure on the child. 

Grab Driver

A 65 year old uncle who drive grab for 6 years now and he was talking about how he volunteered to drive his 27 year old daughter up to Rawang and back to KL each day just to help his daughter save RM1200 for rental in KL. His daughter is working as a barista and has dreams to open up a small stall to sell food. He said, by staying in Rawang, his daughter is able to save some money for a few months and finally be able to open up the stall. It was nice of him to do this little sacrifice. As I got down the car, I wished him and his family all the best and hope that the dream do come true one day. He seems really proud of his kid. 

It was an interesting day. Maybe I had been staying at home for far too long so I don't meet people but it was good to see people and hear their little stories. MCO days is tough so I do hope people would stay strong in this tough times. 

Sending positive vibes and love!

xoxo,

eunicegm

Hello peeps! This month (October) is a month that brought me through crazy events where I don't even know where I am heading to. It's the month that requires me to rethink the reason on why am I here, what am I doing, and how I can continue to bring goodness to this world. It's also the month which taught me to let things go and learn to accept that people do leave us at times. It's the month which brings down more tears than I could hold up in this year, the year of 2015.

26th October 2015, the day where I am supposed to graduate with my previous batch but because of God's crazy idea which till today I can never understand the reason why things happen, I found that my grandpa has returned back to the Lord. He left this humble earth to a better place at 4am and it had been hectic since then. I am still coping with the fact that he's gone and though it's hard, I am thankful that I have friends and classes to continue to keep me busy. He's gone at the age of 80 (according to Chinese calendar) and I am glad that he had eventually lived till this age where he could enjoy the pamper of his children.

The month October is also the month where I realized that, little human me wants to share something with the world. Today, we were in a course where we were asked to visualized our future in five years time and the thing about this exercise is that we should use present tense, which also means that the things that we want are already in our procession. So, let me try this out.

It had been a few years since I left university life and I am now in my 30's. For the past five years after coming out to society, I had been busy gaining experiences and giving back to the society and at the same time trying to keep money to carry out my plan. By the age of 30, I had traveled to 193 countries in two years time with the companion of a supportive boyfriend who understands my ambition and goals and he shares the same ideal ambition as me. In the time of traveling, I had gained much experience in meeting people, tasting the different culture, looking at the different places in this world, and meeting a group of people who share the same values as me. 

What value would that be, you wondered? Well, I want to help girls or women who comes from abusive families. I want to aim at young girls who been through any kind of abuse, especially little ones who needs a safe haven to be safe from all their attackers. I would have a house on a private land by the beach where it will be call "Home". A short and simple name to remind people that home is a place to be safe and secure. Every weekend, we would have BBQ party by the beach, filled with music, laughter and singing. There will never be racists, religious talk or any stereotype for all Home focus on is the safety of the residents. At the same time, these ladies who comes here will be able to be anonymous as they learn the things that they are interested in, such as art, music, or even writing. By the time they are ready to head out to the world, they will have a new identity that will aid them in their future.

Hah. All these sound so impossible huh but nothing is impossible, that I believed and since God had place this plan in my heart, I know for sure that He will have plans that will eventually work one day.

Month of October. Thank you for all that you had taught me in this month. I appreciated it a lot and I know I will continue to be strong though it is a tough month.




xoxo,
eunice gm.

hello.

a little post from me before i hit the books. i know. i know. its wee morning, and yet here i am doing what i think i need to do. my whole sleeping schedule is in a mess right now.

year 2013 is soon coming to an end. to be exact, it will be 25 days more to come where 2014 will seep into our lives. time just flies huh?


i can say that year 2012 had been a really bad bad year for me. i was being knock down with tons of problems, emotionally, physically and mentally. i was not prepare for any of those stuff and during those dark moments, i thought, i was not going to come through all that. i thought, maybe things will never change and that things will always be that depressing.

being separated from friends, my usual busy life *which i love*, my bubbly self *i seem to let this behind me, maybe i grew older? lol.*, and everything that was shouting me, was hard. i tried to be tough and tried not to bother my bestie of any trouble that i was facing. since young, i always have the thinking that, why bother to tell others when they can't even help? an extra ears won't solve the problem but might create more problem. i grew up with that in my mind and when the stone came falling on me, i hang on to those words.

i guess it was wrong of me to do so.

i did not enjoyed those moment at all but instead, i got some real hard scolding from my besties when they tried to help me out from the dark hole. haha, instead of being secure and safe in my cocoon, i got people running after my backside. lol.

well, when 2012 ended, and i was given the opportunity once again to continue my studies, my usual lifestyle, my everything, i did not carry too much hope. i thought, things will never be the same. well, it is.

things changed. a lot. but there are still love in there cause my friendship with my friends got closer, though i missed a beat with my friends from university, but i am still very thankful that i still got the chance to spend my moments with them, creating memories all the way till they graduate. the time may be short for us but i know the memories, the laughter, the tears and the sweat that we shared together will be great memories that we will keep till our old days.

i gain more friends, know more people, try to adapt to being alone instead of "must" be accompanied, smiling at random strangers and picking up small talks. i learn to say hi and stay humble, though the arrogant eunice still comes up once in a while. i learn to appreciate the small things in life, like when someone says hi and thank you and when someone says "i like you".

it is true that when something big came crushing down on you, the whole world, the perception of the world changes together. i would not say that i did not have any regrets in 2012, but i am glad that 2013 did show me some hope in getting better and facing the world with a different mindset.

life has its up and downs. you just have to be strong and find the courage, deep down for some people, and tries to overcome it. some problems may never find a solution but things will get better. the people you love, the people that love you, they will make things better for you eventually. just by spending time with them, listening to their chit chats and laughter can make you forget the pain for a little moment.

why give up when there are more to life than just sorrow and pain? i know that those things are painful but without those experience, a person can never grow and build his/hers perception of life.

we need to learn to eat bitter gourd before we can grow old right? - a phase used by my auntie to persuade us to eat bitter gourd.

2013, thanks for everything. thanks for giving me the chance to heal and to look forward to life once again. thank you so much for being much gentle to me than the year before.

2014, i don't know what will be in this coming year but i do know that things will be okay. it will always be.

happy holidays people. happy new year, soon!

xoxo,
eunice gm.

heey! a new day ahead! a fresh new beginning!

a friend of mine shared this on facebook and after reading it, i think that many of us (the younger generation) should take a look at it so here i am!

living in today world just create a new society that runs and walk faster than the old days where people could take time to talk while they were getting their morning breakfast. it's hard to slow down in this hectic world but there are things that people should start making time for. slow down! enjoy life!



1. Writing things by hand.
Letters to friends, lists for the store, goals for the week, notes for lovers, thank you cards and memos to coworkers. digital communication is easy and convenient but ask anybody, there's a huge difference between texting someone to say that you love them and hope they have a great day and writing it on a note and leaving it next to their bed. so, keep the post-notes ready!

2. Savoring time to do nothing.
ouh, this is my favorite. i can just lie on bed doing nothing and just staring into space when i am too stressful. i guess it's kinda nice way to de-stress. besides, taking a cue from pre-industrialized society and cultures that enjoy siestas and long, drawn-out, sit-down teas that serve no other purpose than to spend time enjoying the time you have.

3. Thinking before responding.
we've become too conditioned to require things immediately. someone asks a question, and we have to respond that second, facebooking? the other party (especially my mom) always asked why i so slow in answering them. =_____=

 such was not the case before instant messaging and comment threads. a sign of true intelligence and confidence, i think, is someone who takes time to consider the question at hand in a little more depth, and then offers a response.

4. Cooking a nice meal just for the sake of doing so.
it really trains you to defy your need for instant gratification and of course puts you in touch with something that's very human and can be lovely if done right. so, get your apron and spatula people! plus it's healthier to cook!

5. Getting really dressed up for no other reason than just wanting to.
it's always a hard chore for me to get dressed up for class since i am always thinking that i will not be meeting anyone special but what's the harm right in getting dressed up? you look pretty AND someone who is full of confidence. isn't it?

6. Books.
ouuh~ i love books but i don't really like books in ebook form. it's just not the same feeling with reading the real actual hard copy book! besides, actual hard copy books that you can scribble notes in and mark off sections of and smell ink through and hear the sound of turning pages and bending spines while you read. ahh~ i miss my books sitting on the shelf at home.

7.  Making phone calls to relatives for no other reason than to just say hi.
it's a great way to keep the relationship going and it's kinda nice to have someone calling just to ask how are we.

8. Disconnecting from technology frequently enough that we won't be anxious and feeling like we're missing something when we try to do so for an extended period of time.
it's time to put down the phone, get out of the house and go smell so roses. it may sound corny but heey, it's a great way to get some sun and enjoy nature!

9. Celebrating things with long, multiple course dinners that we hold for people as opposed to just drinking ourselves into an oblivion and being belligerent (that has it's time and place, of course, but having thoughtful, celebratory dinners is a dying art).

10. Cleaning because it's satisfying and doing things like painting walls or getting fresh flowers just because it's therapeutic. it is! i always love to see how clean my tables are and getting the dirty laundry off it's hook but it always will come back within one day (especially my table) with my messiness.

11. Spending time with kids, and doing kid things with them. they just know what's up.

12. Answering things in a timely fashion, not putting off invitations and request just because we can. ouuh, i'm bad at this. T___T

13. Making sure relationships are actually based on time spend with one another.
people seems to be sustaining them through only digital means with increasing frequency and i can understand how that's important if its temporarily long distance but in general, physically being with people is the only thing that will give you that sense of human connected-ness.

14. Just sitting and listening to music.
we've made music background noise in our everyday lives, but now and again we should just sit and enjoy it like people used to. ahh~ putting your dancing shoes on.

15. Traveling by train, or if that's not possible, at least exploring places that you pass everyday.
especially if you live in a big city, there are always little hidden gems around that you won't believe you lived without seeing while they were a block away from you all along.

16. Putting personal health and well-being first, as it often falls to the wayside in importance.
this means, aside from the obvious, taking those personal days and using them to just relax. we've made such a quirky commodity out of enjoying napping and relaxing, as though doing so makes us boring and old. it doesn't, it's healthy.

17. Planning something, especially with someone else, as simple as dinner or as grandiose as a long vacation next year. you always need something to look forward to. i always have plans. name it, birthday parties, food travelogue, traveling by car, and so many more laa.

18. Stopping to talk to people throughout the day. 
connecting with them genuinely, as such interaction is really important but is becoming increasingly less common. turning our phones off when out to dinner (who ever turns them off anymore?) and learning to not spend all of our time documenting whatever we're doing for social media. it often takes away from the experience itself.

and that's all from me (with the help of the real article shared by my friend).

i think it is really important to just stop for a while and catch on what is really happening in lfie instead of being busy with our technology and personal stuff. get in touch with the people around you or else, we are just going to be like those computer like guys who just look at their gadgets while interacting.

xoxo,
eunice gm.


link: http://thoughtcatalog.com/

a little something to share and to be kept in my online diary.

Only God can turn a MESS into a MESSAGE, a TEST into a TESTIMONY, a TRIAL into a TRIUMPH, a VICTIM into a VICTORY.

 after going through major life events, i found out that the emptiness that i had tried to filled since i was young was actually God's presence. if only someone could have brought me to Him earlier but it is not only about me but also about the people around me cause God has a special plan for each and every one of us. i may be going through problems which are tough but it can change someone's life and anything could happen when God is in it.

i still remembered the first time when i found peace in His presence. i was crying away on the floor, asking for the pain to be taken away when a wave of peace just came. it was comforting and when i had cried enough, i got up from the floor and then i saw something which had always been with me since then.

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you.                                                                                      Isaiah 41: 13

this verse was stuck on my wardrobe for the purpose of "decoration" but during that moment, it was like He was speaking directly to me through those simple words. since that moment, i know i am safe, and it was that moment too that i tried to put a stop to the things that are wrong in His eyes.

He is my Creator, Redeemer, Provider, Healer, Deliverer, King, Friend, Keeper of hearts, and Savior of souls. He is wonderful, beautiful, loving, gracious, and faithful.

a song to share.

heey there.

have you ever been in love?

i'm not talking about the love that is based on lust, or peer pressure but the kind of love i'm talking about is sacrificing for the other party. daring to give up everything and step together in times of trouble and happiness  daring to say no to the people who you have trust all this while and follow your heart that says this is the right move?

i'm not sure if i did. frankly speaking, i hate being in relationships. i dare to say that all these while, all the relationships that i had been in, is based on wants and not on my needs. well, it's not that i don't love those people...but...i don't think my love is big enough to sacrifice everything that i have right now.

i had seen relationships failing, relationships that looked real but all in it is fake, relationships that is too cold to be call a relationship. it just makes me cringe when someone talks about long term commitment.

thinking back, i guess that's just the few ways how God tries to teach me what is LOVE. He taught me so much about this issue that i learn to accept things the way it should be. i can say, i learn it the hard way?

i guess i fail? or am i just waiting for the right relationship?

according to the bible, based on Auburn,

1 Corinthians 13:4-7.
Its says "Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; 5 does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; 6 does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; 7 bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

 well, i can say my love has not been that huge before. only for one person but at times i don't know if i am doing the right thing. the people around me kept telling me that that is the best but... when the day is gone, you just can't help lying there, thinking about all the huge decisions that you had made in your life.


to quote Auburn again,

If you love someone, you understand when you're bad for them. And when they're bad for you. And out of love. You let them go. And the best way to let them go and get over heartbreak, is to find the author of love, ...the one who gave you that heart in the first place.

 soo, have you been in LOVE?

xoxo,
eunice gm.

yup. you read that.


"the sexy, amazing, beautiful, Angelina Jolie has reveled that she recently went for a double mastectomy after she found out that her genetics tests showed signs that she may faced a high probability of developing breast cancer. Brad Pitt has been by her side all those time and she is recovering from it all."

it's so scary when news like this come across right?

she is a brave lady. that's all i could say. she gave up a important part of out women's body part just so she could continue to live her life to the fullest. yeah, she has great kids to watch over lor.

if i were in her shoes, with children and a loving partner, i think i would choose the same decision.

my aunt who is in new zealand has breast cancer too, she is going through chemotherapy right now and she is recovering from it all. it's scary when there is a possibility of having cancer, what more if it is breast cancer. however, no matter how scary it may be, we have to face reality and strive for our family and friends.  it may be tough but it will be worth it.

wishing Angelina Jolie a speedy recovery. =)



credits: http://galaxieblog.com.my/blog/permalink.asp?id=6765

Last night, i had a pillow talk with one of my girlfriend. we talked about having boyfriends relationships which are stable, guys who like us but we don't like them and vice versa. i told her that i got a desire to get married fast and start a family. lol. don't give me the look. i think most woman would want that too. i'm not that young anymore you know? ahak. *people who know me well might kill me for that statement*