Hello there, 

The first half of the month, I entered the year with a heart filled with hope that the year 2021 would be a better year. I got myself organized, on track on things and even try to start up a Podcast, blogs more, read more and all the things that used to get me excited. I was having fun handling it but then all these positive feelings left when I hit the second half of the month. The mood starts to drop and I think I spend a lot of my time sleeping, especially when I do not have to work. I felt super tired and even trying to shower take a whole lot of energy from me. 

Of course there are fun things that still continue to go on. My friends and I decided to help a lady with managing her social account and it has been fun setting up the account to get more awareness and engagement of what is going on. This sweet lady worked with a couple of people who lost their job during the pandemic and she sold them at a slightly higher price and whatever profits that she got from there, it goes back to the community. As of now, she had raised RM4000 plus in the last 3 months of the year 2020. It's called Fish4Charity and you can find them on Facebook and even Instagram. 

I continue to set an alarm to forced myself to read more and it has been working. I finished 2 books and it was such joy to mark if off in my reading challenge in GoodReads. It used to be so easy to read but these days, it is kinda challenging to sit myself down and spend time with the books. I hope it will get easier once the reading motor starts. 

In terms of mental health, I am struggling a little at the end of these few weeks. Thoughts come and go and I had to push it aside as always. I tried to paint, I tried to doodle but somehow I just don't feel like doing anything. I was told to try to include an activity that brings me joy when I was a child but I don't think I remember doing much other than reading and hanging out with friends. At this moment, I'm trying not to hang out in bed so that I can avoid sleeping. Oh, I am improving on my sleeping habits as I tried to stick to my routine by 12.30AM where I will brush my teeth, wash face, put some perfume on and putting a stop to social media. I tend to feel more emotional when I am on social media so that is also one thing to keep an eye on - less social media and more engaging media I guess? 

Therapy has been hard and I am kinda dreading each week, not knowing how my emotional state will be at the end of the day. She is helping me to talk more and it always seems that I am reliving back all those memories that I try so hard to put away. I am having a feeling that this is also why I got back into the den but to heal, I got to keep trying. I got to keep doing this if I want to get out of this pit.

I will be having a visit with the doctor regarding my ankle and I am hoping that all is well. I hope to be able to walk soon and able to be off this crutches. There is also training sessions which would be starting soon in February so there is something that could take over and give this brain something to think about. 

The month of love would be here but there aren't anyone to celebrate that this year I supposed. I am hoping that social media will be slightly gentle with things or I could learn to switch off these feelings of mine when I see those triggering news. 

Oh - Covid cases are at 5000 plus these days so I hope *badly* that these cases will go down in February. We have CNY to look forward to and I am doubting we could have any parties so say goodbye to nosy family members. 

Cheers to another month of 2021! 

xoxo,

eunicegm